How to solve problems yourself? Recommendations from experts. How to make the right decision and choice in difficult situations
Our life is a constant series of decisions. They can be both minor and quite serious, which have a great impact on us and lead to serious changes. A person constantly decides what to buy for lunch, where to go in the evening, what book to read, what university to go to study, what profession to choose, how to make a million and so on. And if the cost of the issue is small, then the decision is given to us easily and made quickly, because the loss in case of an error will be small. But the more serious the choice is, the more difficult it is to make. In this case correct solution can lead to great success or, on the contrary, can cause losses and failures. Therefore, it is very important to know how to make the right decision.
Be sure to set yourself a time frame to make the right choice. Having a constraint forces you to choose the most effective solution in one situation or another. This process is described by the so-called law of forced efficiency.
To make the right choice, you need to collect as much information as possible. The more facts you have on hand, the easier it will be for you to do effective choice. This way you can more or less objectively assess the situation.
Remember that emotions are your enemy in decision making, because during a surge of feelings you cannot think objectively and detachedly. Try to wait for the moment when everything boils over in your soul, and only then get down to business, because in the heat of the moment you can make far from the best decision.
Remember that if the search for the right course of action is related to work, then you can shift this issue to someone else. This way you will save yourself a lot of time. In addition, if you complete a task once, you can expect to have to do it repeatedly. Additional workload without corresponding dividends is absolutely useless. Therefore, think as rationally as possible, because delegation of authority– very handy tool to “unload” your work schedule.
As you make your decision, be sure to prioritize your considerations. Structuring thoughts according to the principle of importance is an excellent skill that will allow you to quickly find an effective way out of any situation. If this skill is not developed, when analyzing complex problems you will constantly get confused in your own reasoning. In addition, there is a risk that you will take the wrong criterion as the basis for making a decision, which will lead to unclear consequences. With a high degree of probability, your choice will be ineffective, and often also a dead end. By making mistakes, you can, of course, develop your decision-making skills over time. But by breaking the so-called “review” of the choice, you will not be able to determine the cause-and-effect relationships that explain why the decision was correct or vice versa. Therefore, before difficult choice It is advisable to structure all your thoughts and make a “priority rating” of various factors in your head.
Fear of possible failure also prevents you from finding the right solution. Many fail because of this ineffective feeling. In order for fear not to interfere with you, you need to analyze in detail the consequences that this or that choice may lead to, and then act.
It is best to remain calm when making a decision. If you are a rather suspicious person, you can relax by listening to your favorite music, resting, or, in extreme cases, drinking a sedative.
Objectivity is another factor that will ensure making the right decision. You need to remain honest with yourself and not artificially embellish the facts that contribute to the wrong choice.
Prioritization is one of the most important components when evaluating different options for action. Think about what is most important to you: money, career, family, etc.
In addition, costs must be assessed, since this factor can have a serious impact on the effectiveness of a particular solution.
Most of us very often regret what we have done, believing that we made the wrong choice. In fact, if you think soberly, you can come to the conclusion that there are no right and wrong decisions. If you are committed to achieving goals, and this goal is a priority and important, all actions towards it will be absolutely correct. Choosing the right solution is quite subjective, so be guided by your desires.
Situations often arise that the choice can be postponed until some details are clarified in cases where the delay will not cause any harm. However, you can fall into a trap when new facts increasingly complicate the decision-making process, and unexpected information arises that requires clarification. This paradoxical effect manifests itself in the fact that the more effort and persistence you put into achieving a result, the worse things turn out for you. Or in other words, the longer you take to solve a problem, the more unclear facts about it come to light.
In any case, time limits the ability to analyze various options. Refusing a choice is also a definite solution, although it can often be the most ineffective. For example, if you cannot choose between two professions that are suitable for you, you risk ending up unemployed or becoming an unskilled laborer. In such a situation, any option will be more profitable for you than refusing to choose. And if you still can’t decide, then it would be better to make a decision at random rather than abandon it.
There are times when a hasty decision leads to disaster. In such situations, it is best to wait some time to evaluate the problem. However, you need to remember that you also cannot delay the moment of making a decision for long (this is especially true for work), since you may either get ahead of you, or the situation may escalate. And then you will regret that you did not make a choice earlier. Only people in high positions can allow themselves to think through various options in detail, because they know that no one else can make a decision except them.
It is not necessary to solve a serious problem solely on your own. You can always consult with your friends or family. A task voiced several times will clarify the situation as a whole, and it will be much easier for you to find a simple and ingenious way out of the current situation. In addition, your interlocutors can really give useful advice. The only point is that you shouldn’t tell everyone about your problems, because this way you won’t get anywhere, but will only waste a lot of time on useless complaints. Besides, everyone is ready to give advice, and too much advice can easily confuse you.
If you are used to relying on the opinions of loved ones, then in situations that require prompt action, you can imagine in your head what your friend would advise you. This kind of internal dialogue can be incredibly helpful in many cases.
When making decisions, ignore emotions that are aimed at achieving quick results. Such false zeal can play a cruel joke on you. In order to avoid possible negative consequences You should use Susie Welch's 10-10-10 method, which involves guessing where your decision will lead in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years.
Always look for alternative opportunities. You should not completely give preference to just one idea, blindly believing in its correctness. Come up with at least a few more options to compare with your first. Imagine that the original idea simply does not exist, and think about what you will do in such a situation. You will definitely find several more alternatives.
If you still can’t decide 100%, go to bed, and a great solution may come to you overnight. This is explained by the fact that our subconscious knows everything possible exits from the current situation. During sleep, a continuous process of analysis will occur, and in the morning your subconscious may give you best option. Before you go to bed, ask yourself the question again, then put a pen and a piece of paper near you. This is necessary in order to quickly capture a thought if necessary.
Don't ignore your intuition methods for developing intuition), because our inner voice makes mistakes much less often than our mind. Therefore, before making a decision, try to listen to your feelings. If you experience any discomfort, then you should reconsider other options.
Now you know what helps you make the right decision. Let's look at how to stick to your chosen option.
How to follow a decision
Once you have made a decision, start acting immediately without delay, since any kind of delay will only reduce your chances of success. achieving success. Besides, you are sowing grain bad habit Constantly postponing things until later, which risks never achieving the intended result.
Remember that changing your decision after you have already passed halfway to the goal is at least ineffective. Be true to your original views. This way you will build confidence that you are doing everything right, and success will not be long in coming. However, be careful. If you realize that your path clearly leads to failure, it is better to abandon it as early as possible. Remember that even successful entrepreneurs change course very often. Find a balance between flexibility and persistence. In this case, you will move towards your goal persistently, and you will be able to quickly change your plan of action without much loss for yourself.
Finally, it should be noted that in order to learn to make the right decisions, personal experience should be used. In this case, be guided by the above tips, because your decisions cannot be correct in 100% of cases. Constant changes in the surrounding reality force you to change. So be flexible in the process of choosing the right solution. Remember that your methods may fail, no matter how perfect they seem to you. Experiment more and take tactical steps that are unusual for you, because the comfort zone in which you are used to being leads to degradation. Personal experience– one of the most faithful advisers.
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All actions are divided into those whose results can be predicted, and those whose consequences can only be assumed. The most difficult choice is one in which there is no way to know whether the outcome will be successful. There are situations in which you need to make a decision in a short time. It is at such moments that a person places his hopes on intuition and his mind, which form the necessary balance for the right choice.
What does decision-making depend on in difficult situations?
The right decisions in various situations lead to the desired goal. But personality is constantly evolving. When solving important problems and in difficult circumstances, it undergoes transformations. This means that priorities, goals and the person himself change. Therefore, when making an important decision, you should follow the principle of “here and now”, and not look into the future. There are several methods that will help you learn to make the right choices in career and life matters:
- 1. Getting rid of the “narrow frames”. A common phenomenon when choosing one solution or another. It lies in the fact that the subconscious reduces the multiple variations of possible outcomes to a significant minority. When deciding whether to buy a car, a person sees only two options: “yes” or “no.” However, alternative steps are not considered. For example, you should buy a cheap car or postpone the purchase altogether and leave the money for more necessary things. There is a trade-off between the two solutions that can only be found through proper prioritization.
- 2. Expansion of choice. A person becomes too strongly attached to the goal to which he initially set his thinking, that is, he sees only one solution that is related to this goal, and ignores others. An example is the adoption of purchasing an apartment. If she initially made a good impression, and the realtor suggested profitable terms, then the question arises as to whether it is worth buying this particular property. But the fact is that this is the first apartment that was viewed. Also, when moving to another city, you should not limit your choice to one locality. You need to visit several places first, and then choose the most suitable one. Therefore, there is no need to make hasty decisions; it is worth thoroughly studying the real estate market in order to choose the most suitable one from the best offers. It is always necessary to look for an alternative, to consider possible options developments that may occur if a completely different decision is made.
- 3. Information. When choosing, it is worth fully studying the available data. When applying for a job, a person can ask his boss questions in order to understand what position he is applying for, or about the dismissal of a previous employee. You should not limit yourself to one source of information. During an interview, it is permissible to use leading questions. With their help, a certain scheme of actions is built that will have a positive impact on decision.
- 4. Create space for simple solutions. Expanding your choice isn't always helpful. Sometimes, due to the large number of options, a person gets lost and finds it difficult to do final choice. Therefore, the method of basic priorities is applicable here. Combined with the expansion of options, it can simplify the decision-making task. If, when changing jobs, many interviews were completed and a large number of employers responded, then you need to compare your priorities with the conditions they offer. If there is a match, this will greatly simplify the choice.
- 5. Test in practice. Any right decision is supported by experience. If you have a choice between two cars, a test drive will come to the rescue. Experience is the basis that is important when resolving controversial issues.
- 6. Accepting criticism. The latter helps when correct and useful conclusions are drawn from it. A look from the outside helps to complement your own picture of reality, to balance arrogance with someone else’s uncertainty.
There are times when the listed methods should not be used. An alternative is determined by the number of advantages and disadvantages, but sometimes the latter are not present. If there are no negative consequences from the decision made, then you should act immediately. For example, when meeting a girl, a guy will begin to weigh the pros and cons, forgetting that he is lonely and free and wants love.
How to stop thinking bad thoughts about yourself
The right choice in your personal life
In personal life, an excessive desire to have information can lead to quarrels and misunderstandings. The partner will see this as a test or threat to the relationship. But if mutual understanding reigns in the union, then the chosen one will tell everything necessary.
Getting rid of fleeting emotions will help you not regret your choice. Many wrong decisions are made under the influence of momentary feelings. Therefore, in difficult situations, it is worth thinking about how you can approach this issue in 10 minutes or years.
Any choice requires time during which a person thinks about everything and gets rid of the influence of emotions. For example, a wife decided to divorce her husband and go to her lover after he gave her an expensive gift and organized a wonderful evening. But the wife does this under the influence of emotions that remain after the meeting. Therefore, it is worth thinking about what will happen if the husband stays with the child, how this will affect him and whether the lover will always be so romantic. To organize your thoughts and completely calm down, use the following methods:
- 1. Calm breathing. It is necessary to take 10 measured exhalations and inhalations. This will concentrate attention and cool emotions.
- 2. "Ideal self." A person imagines the ideal course of events after making a decision. However, maintaining concentration, helping a friend and learning to wait are also necessary.
Knowing your basic priorities can help you always stick to your main goals and objectives. Sometimes, when making a choice, a person forgets about the initial values and is distracted by other options. This often happens in personal relationships. Sometimes it is difficult for a woman to make a choice between two men, although subconsciously she has made it long ago. But thinking about the other guy, his qualities and merits, obscures the image of the already chosen man and pushes him away from the initial choice.
When making a decision, it is easy to fall into the traps of arrogance; they are called “tripwires.” It will seem that everything is fine and good, but later problems may begin. Due to arrogance, a person will not be able to turn back, since he has a strong attachment to the choice. This often happens in relationships. At the first stages, it seems to the girl or guy that this is forever and this choice is the best, and the relationship is idealized. But any connections are not immune from quarrels and crises that lead to separation. Because of blind faith in the choice made, partners often do not notice that they are not suitable for each other. Therefore, you must immediately understand that creating a union is hard work and the ability to find alternative options in solving emerging problems.
The use of these methods will help you make the right decision and give clarity and clarity to the selection procedure. But they require a lot of time, and decisions do not lend themselves to dry analysis of the mind. A person will never receive absolute information or complete confidence in his choice. Therefore, intuition also plays an important role.
Every day a person is faced with situations that require making some kind of decision, from choosing products to choosing a place to study or work. At the same time, for many people this is a real disaster, since there are many doubts and fear that the choice will be made incorrectly. In such a situation, information on how to make a decision when in doubt will come in handy. Psychologists have been interested in this topic for a long time, so they have developed several techniques that allow you to do everything right.
How to make the right decision in life?
There are many different factors that make a person suffer from doubts. For example, some people in difficult situations they rely only on their experience and opinions, without taking advice from others, while others tend to build some kind of illusions, which does not allow them to see reality.
Tips for making an important decision:
- Expand your boundaries. In many situations, in addition to the standard yes/no answer, there are a huge number of other solutions. For example, when wondering if you should, it might be worth talking to your boss to fix the irritants.
- Detach yourself from emotions. Figuring out how to accept difficult decision, the emotional factor cannot be ignored, since it is precisely this that often prevents a person from soberly assessing the situation and understanding its essence, which ultimately leads to making wrong decisions. In such situations, psychologists suggest answering the question: “How will I feel having made this choice in five minutes, several months or a year?”
- Use as much information as possible. Today, thanks to the Internet, you can find answers to almost any question. Many people write their reviews about products, services, vacation spots, and even about the companies where they work.
- Weigh the pros and cons. Many psychologists, when thinking about the topic of how to make an important decision in life, advise getting visual confirmation by making two lists. On one write down possible prospects and advantages, and on the second write what you will have to lose and the existing disadvantages. This will allow you to set your priorities correctly and not make mistakes.
- Be interested in other people's opinions. Here it is important to choose the right adviser and it is best to contact a person who is primarily competent in this area and has achieved some success. This will allow you to get rid of excess arrogance and get
When people share the worst decisions they have made in their lives, they often cite the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.
Our life would be completely different if Ctrl+Z operated in life, which would cancel decisions made.
But we are not slaves to our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to dull or disappear altogether. Therefore, folk wisdom recommends that when you need to make an important decision, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, By the way. It wouldn't hurt to take note! Although for many decisions, sleep alone is not enough. A special strategy is needed.
One of the effective tools that we would like to offer you is strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) - former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:
- How will you feel about it 10 minutes later?
- How will you feel about this decision 10 months from now?
- What will your reaction be to this in 10 years?
By focusing our attention on these deadlines, we distance ourselves some distance from the problem of making an important decision.
Now let's look at the effect of this rule using an example.
Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend, Kirill. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly what she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and... She doesn’t have an endless amount of time to develop her relationship with Kirill, who is approaching 40. During these 9 months, she never met Kirill’s daughter from her first marriage, and the cherished “I love you” was never heard in their couple from either side.
The divorce from my wife was terrible. After this, Kirill decided to avoid serious relationships. Moreover, he keeps his daughter out of his personal life. Veronica understands that he is hurt, but she is also offended that such an important part of her loved one’s life is closed to her.
Veronica knows that Kirill does not like to rush into making decisions. But should she then take the step herself and say “I love you” first?
The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came out of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she had to decide whether she would confess her love to Kirill over the weekend or not.
Question 1: How will you feel about this decision 10 minutes later?
Answer:“I think I would be worried, but at the same time proud of myself for taking a risk and saying it first.”
Question 2: How would you feel about your decision if 10 months had passed?
Answer:“I don’t think I’ll regret it 10 months from now. No, I will not. I sincerely want everything to work out. Those who don’t take risks don’t drink champagne!”
Question 3: How will you feel about your decision 10 years later?
Answer:“No matter how Kirill reacts, in 10 years the decision to confess your love first is unlikely to matter. By this time, either we will be happy together, or I will be in a relationship with someone else."
Note that the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result we have quite a simple solution:
Veronica must take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Kirill in the end. But without consciously analyzing the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult to her. Short-term emotions—fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection—were distracting and limiting factors.
What happened to Veronica after that, you are probably wondering. She still said “I love you” first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation and stop feeling in limbo. Kirill did not confess his love to her. But progress was evident: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and admit that the feelings are reciprocated. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together reach 80%.
Eventually
The 10/10/10 rule helps you win the emotional game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem intense and sharp, and the future, on the contrary, is vague. Therefore, emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.
The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change your perspective: consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point that you look at in the present.
This technique puts your short-term emotions into perspective. This is not to say that you should ignore them. Often they even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you shouldn't let your emotions get the better of you.
It is necessary to remember the contrast of emotions not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you deliberately avoid having a serious conversation with your boss, you are allowing your emotions to get the better of you. If you imagine the possibility of having a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, but after 10 months, will you be glad that you decided to have this conversation? Will you breathe a sigh of relief? Or will you feel proud?
What if you want to reward the work of an excellent employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision after 10 minutes, will you regret what you did 10 months later (what if other employees feel left out), and will it Does the promotion make any difference to your business 10 years from now?
As you can see, short-term emotions are not always harmful. The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long term is not the only correct way. It only proves that the short-term feelings you experience cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.
There comes a time in every person's life when he some serious decision needs to be made, which can greatly change his fate. As a rule, if a person realizes the difficulty of his situation, then making such decisions is very difficult. It's easy to make fateful decisions when you don't think or when you don't understand what. What can a person who understands his situation and is faced with the need to make a difficult decision find support? I invite you to think with me about possible answers to this question.
Give yourself time
To make any decision you need time. And it’s good if we are for these purposes allocate it to ourselves. In the old days, sages could deliberately retire in order to better concentrate on some important issue. Now the pace of our lives is so fast that it is becoming increasingly difficult to stop for a while and focus on something important to ourselves. And without this it is very difficult to make a decision. After all, it is so important to think, analyze your situation, find and be disappointed in certain solutions, reach a dead end, and then again look for a way out of it.
All of these are integral components of searching and making a decision. And if we do not give ourselves time, then decisions can be impulsive and thoughtless, based on a fleeting mood or...
Reliance on feelings Somehow it turns out that in difficult situations our . Or there are so many “smart” thoughts that you can get lost in them; or the wind begins to blow through your head and your mind refuses to work. In this case, relying on your own can help. own feelings . Only this should be relying not on momentary emotions (joy, anger, fear, etc.), but for deep feelings
So, first you will need to find a quiet place where you can retire. Once you have done this, find something nearby that you can focus your attention on. It’s better if it’s some kind of shiny object (it’s easier to focus on this for a long time). Sit comfortably, fix your gaze on this object, and while sitting like this, begin to gradually listen to yourself. To do this, imagine that inside you there is emptiness, silence, nothing. Listen to this silence and emptiness. Don't let your thoughts distract you from this silence. And if thoughts distract you, then simply notice what they are about and let them go. Gradually, something will begin to appear in this emptiness. Notice what comes to the surface. These are the feelings we are looking for. They can appear in the form of images, vague premonitions, sensations in the body. As soon as you notice something in yourself, try to listen to it and give your experiences the opportunity to unfold.
This whole procedure can be figuratively represented as follows. You are walking through the forest and you need to go out onto the road along which cars drive. This road is far away. You are walking and behind the crunch of branches and leaves under your feet, you cannot hear in which direction this road is. You stop and freeze to listen where the road is. And you don’t hear it right away, but only after a short period of time, when the ear adjusts to silence and hearing becomes more acute. It’s the same with feelings. You need to stop first and stop everything internal work, and then listen to where the “sound of your feelings” comes from within you.
If you manage to hear the voice of your feelings, hear your true desires, then this can provide support and the direction in which you would like to move. And if such a general direction becomes clear, then making a decision turns out to be much easier (and sometimes it simply becomes self-evident).
Self-deception test
An important guideline when making a decision can be feeling of inner agreement. This feeling can appear in reverse form, in the form feelings, if you refuse a decision, or, on the contrary, internally insist on the need to make it. Usually this feeling is similar to some kind of internal discomfort, something gnawing inside and tormenting, as if you were betraying yourself. It is very important to ask yourself in a difficult situation: “Why am I here? Why should I do such and such? What is the meaning of my decision? If you don't know what decision to make, then it's worth asking yourself about the meaning of the situation in which you are forced to make a decision. Why did you end up in it? Why did you come to it? By finding answers to these questions, you can better understand why you find yourself in a decision-making or choice situation. And after that, you can ask yourself whether you are betraying what you came to this situation for, and yourself at the same time, by choosing this or that solution.
Fighting doubts
It must be said that doubts often arise when if the decision is made under pressure(internal or external). If the decision is hard-won and internally matured, then doubts and regrets do not arise. Well, if the choice has not yet matured internally, but it needs to be made as soon as possible, then confusion and a desire to find the “right” solution appear. In such a state, any choice will be wrong. Such a decision will always be followed by a trail of regrets and doubts. There is only one way out here - to think about what forces you right now (“as soon as possible”) to make a choice and make a decision. More precisely, what doesn’t suit you about it? And here it is better to think about what else can be done to remove this internal dissatisfaction without radically changing the situation.
Generally speaking, best advice here - don't put pressure on yourself. Don't force yourself to make a decision. Allow yourself not to accept it. Relax. Be like a samurai who, with an unshakable spirit, stands on the edge of a cliff and looks at the blue sky, enjoying its beauty. Take your time and allow yourself to look at the situation a little.
Acceptance of sacrifice
In any choice, in any decision you, one way or another, forced to give up something. There is something important and valuable that must be sacrificed by choosing one alternative or another. You should be prepared for this. In order to experience the victim more effectively (so to speak), it is necessary to approach it with the awareness of what exactly are you losing. When you clearly understand what you are giving up, then it is easier for you to survive the consequences of making such a difficult decision.
In order to better understand what you will have to give up, try to complete the following sentence within yourself: “I will never again...”. By talking inside yourself about everything that you have to part with, you can, on the one hand, better understand the importance of this or that alternative and, on the other hand, gain courage and willingness to take responsibility for the decision made. One way to help you accept this sacrifice is to realize what you are paying for in the form of the benefits you are giving up. This is your choice, and for every choice in life we must pay something and sacrifice something for the sake of something more valuable to us.
Final point
To give your decision more weight, you need to "pump him up with energy". How to do it? There are two options here. On the one hand, you can take one of the alternatives that you want to refuse and imagine the worst possible scenario for the development of events. This can be done by saying to yourself the following words: “if I choose such and such, I will suffer from such and such all my life.” You can do it like this.
Or you can find the positive that is in the choice to which you are inclined, and keep it in your mind, in your imagination, keep it as a goal, as the lighthouse you want to lead your ship to. Can remember more often the good things you strive for, especially in moments of doubt and hesitation.
