What to do if you fall in love with a cartoon character. Why do we fall in love with literary characters?
Having organized a personal Harry Potter marathon, somewhere in the third part I realized goosebumps running through my body and tears coming and was amazed: “Holy crap, what’s going on in my brain?! What makes me experience such a range of emotions??? I became seriously interested in why we become so attached to characters from films and books, and spent several days studying sources on neurobiology and psychology. I learned that there are several psychological and physiological reasons involved.
The whole world has been following the adventures of Harry Potter since 1997.
To the brain all stories are real
Scientists have long figured out how the brain works while reading. Activated when reading different areas brain: first, written information is perceived by the visual cortex, then sent to Wernicke’s area, whose neurons analyze the meaning of the word read, based on their knowledge and experience. If we read aloud, then from Wernicke's center information flows to Broca's center, which is responsible for organizing speech.
But over the past few years, scientists have discovered that there is more to it. New research into the brain during reading has explained why sometimes what we read seems so real to us. Scans of brain activity have shown that when a person reads words like “coffee”, “soap”, “lavender”, areas in the brain associated not only with language recognition, but also with smell recognition are activated.
If textures are described, areas of the brain responsible for sensory sensations become active. If movements are described, the areas of the brain that coordinate the movements light up. This means that the brain does not differentiate between reading about a sensory experience and actually experiencing that experience — in both cases, the same areas of the brain are stimulated. We can truly feel everything described in a book, especially if the narrative is rich in imagery and helps us reproduce our own inner experiences.
Good book literally takes us into his world.
There is evidence that, just as the brain responds to descriptions of smells, textures and movements, it also treats interactions between fictional characters as real social encounters. Research by neuroscientists shows that the brain uses much the same networks to understand a fiction book and to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling in real life.
Our brain considers our relationships with characters to be as real as if all this were actually happening. At a neurobiological level, our emotions towards them are perceived by the brain as truth.
While reading the book, we share the aspirations and disappointments of the heroes, follow their meetings with friends and enemies, try to guess hidden motives and further development events — everything is like in life. In doing so, we experience the brain's ability to take into account the psychology and intentions of other people, which scientists call "theory of mind." A concept close to theory of mind is empathy — the ability to recognize and experience the emotions of other people. And empathy is the short answer to the question of why we become so attached to fictional characters.
Sometimes it’s even easier for us to feel empathy not for real people, but for characters from books and films, because we are given so much information about them — details of life, internal experiences — much more than we can sometimes know about someone close. It's irrational, but that's how the brain works.
At the same time reading fiction for the brain is a trainer of empathy and social skills. Books really have the power to change our behavior in life. For example, it has been proven that people who read have better empathy.
Oxytocin is always hungry
Paul Zack has been researching oxytocin molecules for 10 years.
Neuroeconomist Paul Zak once burst into tears on a plane while watching the movie Million Dollar Baby. His sobs were so strong that the man in the next chair asked if there was anything he could do to help. This episode got Paul thinking about exactly how movies affect our brain activity.
In his laboratory, Paul spent several years studying the mechanisms of oxytocin production during social interactions. He concluded that it is oxytocin that provokes empathy and prosocial behavior.
Oxytocin is one of the hormones of happiness. It provides a pleasant feeling of closeness, security, belonging to a person, family or community. Oxytocin helps us feel comfortable around strangers and maintain civilized relationships with them.
Almost any positive social contact causes the release of oxytocin. This hormone is produced at the slightest suggestion from the brain that the person with whom it communicates can be trusted. Moreover, for this it is not even necessary that this person be in the access zone. Regular online correspondence or looking at a photo loved one may stimulate the production of oxytocin. People start virtual novels and pen pals — sometimes the interlocutors seem like close friends to us, even though we’ve never met them.
Paul Zak calls oxytocin the shy molecule. If there is no stimulus for the appearance of oxytocin, it basic level in the body tends to zero, and when it reproduces, it lives for only 3 minutes. At the same time, oxytocin is always hungry and not very picky. The production of oxytocin in the brain is closely related to reward systems: with the help of oxytocin, we receive psychological rewards, pleasant sensations — thus socially acceptable behavior is reinforced. Therefore, oxytocin is always looking for something to latch onto. Oxytocin's aim is not very well adjusted, since the brain does not care which way it will reach the goal and receive pleasant sensations.
That is why any object that has qualities close to human can become an object of affection. This explains our love for pets or even inanimate things — cars, for example. Paul writes that for this reason we must now ask whether marriages with robots will be allowed in the future, since attachment to them is inevitable for psychological and physiological reasons. Let’s remember the films “Lars and the Real Girl” or “Her”, in which the heroes fall in love with fake people — this relationship no longer seems so strange...
The brain itself decides what is interesting to it
When we watch a movie, we objectively understand that everything that happens is an act of actors, and they are paid to manipulate our emotions. But the brain lacks this explanation.
Paul Zak and his team conducted a series of experiments using video to study whether movies actually stimulate the release of oxytocin.
The findings can be formulated as follows: the production of oxytocin occurs if a story captivates us and forces us to become emotionally involved — and our brain itself determines whether the story deserves attention (let’s add to this the musical number, which can have a powerful effect on mood). For the brain, any story is good if it grabs our attention and makes us care about the characters. If an emotional response occurs, this is a signal for the production of oxytocin. The more oxytocin is produced, the stronger the empathy, the desire to empathize and help other people.
Friendly support stimulates the production of oxytocin. And yes, the series “Friends” lasted 10 years.
Thus, we again return to the fact that our attachment to characters is largely due to the fact that the mechanism for producing oxytocin in our body is not very well tuned. Our brains make no difference between pictures on the screen and real people, and the slightest emotional involvement is enough to create greater empathy for the hero.
The subconscious believes everything it sees
Scientists remind us that humans have two competing levels of consciousness. One level knows that everything in the film is not real, but on the second this understanding is turned off. Even if we are well aware that the actor is just playing his role, we think about the plot and about our possible behavior in such a situation. We identify ourselves with the heroes, and this has a very strong effect on our emotions from the point of view of the subconscious.
Our subconscious always behaves like small child. It believes everything it sees or hears, and only cares about getting what it wants quickly — this is the explanation why we sometimes behave illogically and have double standards.
Psychologist Farouk Radwan explains on his website 2knowmyself.com why we become attached to certain characters:
1. We associate ourselves with them — if we find similar traits in ourselves to the character, we quickly identify ourselves with him.
2. They have what we need — superpowers, strength, attractiveness and the like. We lack this in real life, so we admire fictional characters;
3. They evoke positive emotions — if watching a movie with a character or reading about them makes us feel good, we begin to like that character more;
4. They help us cope with frustration — books, games, TV series exploit people’s moods: the authors specifically introduce a negative character in order to later defeat him and free us from “pain.” We experience relief and a huge emotional response;
5. They become part of our lives — when we watch TV shows and read books for several months or even years, we know their characters so well that they become like family to us. People always become attached to those whom they see often and know well;
6. Emotions manipulate our mind — the subconscious mind believes everything it is shown, and adding emotions only enhances this effect. If a character does something that makes us emotional, we become more attached to them.
Superman has superhuman strength, he is a defender of good and a fighter for justice, which is why he is so loved.
It turns out that attachment to fictional characters is not a mental disorder or evidence of low intelligence. On the contrary, this is a sign of highly developed empathy. Moreover, these mechanisms work the same in women and men; we are all equal before oxytocin and the subconscious. Therefore, loving characters from books or films very much is completely normal from the point of view of the brain.
Adele's syndrome or
fell in love with a fictional person
I received this letter from one of my readers, who is now over 40 years old. Perhaps the world is not so fair, it tests everyone’s strength or teaches them something, or perhaps a person makes his own choice, “kills himself” with his thoughts and fantasies. Everyone chooses what is closer to them. However, I think, in any case, the hardest thing is to let go.
Girls are taught from childhood that the meaning of life is family, husband, children. You must give yourself completely to them. We are taught that you don’t have to love, the main thing is to be loved, cared for and respected. I listened to advice. I allowed myself to be loved, but I was also madly in love, however, these were different people. Do you know what lesson I learned? It's bad either way. In the first case, a person is ready to do anything for you, ready to “move mountains”, forgive all mistakes, but you don’t care. It's good if there is at least some sympathy for this person, but what if not? Those. you simply hate everything about a person, the way he eats, sleeps and breathes, but you continue to live with him for the sake of children, neighbors and other reasons. In the second case, the same thing happens, but in reverse. You are ready to step over yourself and your principles for the sake of this person, experiment in everything, endure everything, but he doesn’t care. Do you think why there are so many now divorces?! Patience is not rubber, it’s just that the (not) significant other is tired of enduring such a life and attitude towards oneself.
My family life it didn’t work out, and the reason is me. I never loved my husband, I liked him, but no more, however, we had respect, support, care and common interests. Maybe that's why we lived together for 10 years. This man gave me wonderful children, but I'm glad we separated. It's better for everyone.
In general, since childhood I have not been like everyone else, I constantly fall in lovenot the ones I fall in love with are fictional people or characters.
No, the person exists in real life. He may live on the next street, in another city or even country.
I can see him 100 times, and on the 101st he can sink into my soul with something (eyes, smile, voice, emotions, facial expressions, movement, figure, etc.). Because We barely know each other or don’t know each other at all, then my imagination does the rest, sometimes “improving” the appearance. The problem is that fiction does not coincide with reality, and the most difficult thing is to realize that a “person from reality” is a completely different person with his own life, who does not even know about your existence. Therefore, you suffer from unrequited love, disappointment and self-hatred.
In general, it is difficult to find a life partner when before going to bed you see “your love”, communicate with him, and spend time.
He is so good, kind and caring, his appearance and inner world are impeccable, and most importantly, he loves and understands you. Then, when you meet a person in life, you cannot fall in love, you compare him with your “hero”, naturally the real person loses, and you are already disappointed. What kind of love can we talk about? Those. I came up with it myself, I fell in love, I’m depressed and I don’t want to get up in the morning, because in real life the same gray world awaits you.
I understand that this is a disease, I understand that because of this I am ruining my life and, most likely, I will never be able to “get it”, but I can’t do anything about it. In psychology, there is no exact name for the syndrome when obsession with a fictional character, a person, but I think it is reminiscent of Adele syndrome - it is obsessive-compulsive disorder, in which a person experiences pathological love attachment. Those. a person is obsessed with some person, or maybe with imagination or a fictional character.
It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one. Many people experience similar feelings. But they can stop, but I can’t. This may last a year, two or even more. Therefore, it is better to live alone than to torment yourself and the unloved person next to you. It's horrible. Everyone is having fun and rejoicing around, and you are wondering why your “man” is not around, and when will he come to you. Girls, I want to believe that you will never experience this.”
It seems to me that the heroine of the letter, on the one hand, is happy, she experienced true mutual love, even in a dream, but on the other hand, she is unhappy. After all, she will not be able to hug this person, hear his voice or watch a movie together in the evening. I want to wish her to find her happiness, let go of the unrealistic person and forget him.
Fell in love with a fictional character... Almost every girl - who knows, and many guys too! - this state is familiar. Who among us in our youth was not crazy about a mysterious book hero or a charming character from a popular TV series? Meanwhile the boys fell in love with beautiful girls from computer games... But time passes, and for most these innocent sympathies pass away with age. And someone can fall in love with a fictional character at 20 or 30 years old... We don’t know whether you are in fifth grade or already taking your own children to school. If you fell in love with the hero of a film, book, or TV series, this article is for you.
I fell in love with the hero of a book (film, TV series), is this normal?
First of all, we have good news for you. First of all, you are far from alone. As we said above, at any age, people are capable of falling in love with a fictional character, and there can be many reasons for this. Secondly, your crush characterizes you as a romantic, dreamy, thinking person. Perhaps sometimes you seem to yourself to be abnormal, but people generally tend to fall in love with those “with whom they are not allowed” - after all, the forbidden fruit, as you know, is sweet. At least your sympathy won't hurt anyone. If it's any consolation, think about what it's like for those who have feelings for a married person or an underage teenager.
Some girls also fall in love with characters they have created themselves, with a fictional image of a person. We will tell you more about what is included in the image in another article, but this one may also be useful for you.
I'm not attracted to real men, I only need my hero, what should I do?
You fell in love with a character from a film (series, book, anime...) - and immediately everyone around you faded in comparison to him. Girlfriends and advisers from the Internet shout with one voice: throw this nonsense out of your head, forget him, find yourself a normal guy, start a normal relationship! But you should understand yourself and answer the question: do you need a relationship now? If at the moment no one around you likes you and you are not ready to build relationships, such advice will not bring you any benefit.
There is no point in getting into a relationship with a person you don't care about. While your favorite hero occupies the main place in your thoughts, real men simply have no chance. When in real life you meet a person who meets your expectations, everything will happen by itself, there is no need to try to force things. Or maybe you don’t need a relationship at all - no matter what your friends say, this is not the main thing in life.
I'm married (dating a guy), but still fell in love with a fictional character...
Yes, this happens, and it happens quite often. As a rule, girls strictly divide: this is my love in real life, but this is a special, extraterrestrial love, and they do not intersect. In general, if you and your significant other are happy with this situation, there should be no cause for concern. However, this situation may signal your dissatisfaction with your relationship.
Think about it: perhaps you are missing something in your loved one, something you would like to change.
If this is the case, have an honest conversation with him and explain what you would like from your relationship. But it may be that you are simply disappointed in your life partner, but you do not dare to leave, and thus you splash out your unspent feelings not on a real person (after all, this would be treason), but on a fictitious one. In this case, it’s worth thinking about whether it’s time to end the boring relationship?
So what should I do if I fell in love with the hero of a series (book, film)?
It is important to understand what experiences this falling in love brings you - positive or negative. If there are more of the former, then take it as a source of inspiration; you should have no reason to worry. But if you feel unhappy, your thoughts are constantly carried away in an imaginary world and this interferes with your real life, if you would like to build a relationship with someone, but your crush on a fictional character prevents you - then perhaps you should talk to a psychologist.
But more often than not, love for a fictional character inspires and inspires. Perhaps it will become easier for you if you embody your experiences and fantasies on paper. Fell in love with a cartoon character? Draw it! Fell in love with a book hero? Write fanfic about him. Many talented artists started with fan art - that is, they simply drew their favorite characters. Isn't this wonderful? Maybe your love for anime character will turn you into a famous illustrator?
Remember the sensational novel “50 Shades of Gray” - after all, it also began as an ordinary fan fiction based on “Twilight”! Perhaps this work does not seem to you at all artistic style, but if you can write better, why not do it?
Love for a fictional character can inspire you to create wonderful works, but even if you don’t feel that you have any special talents, still try to join the fandom - the fan community of fans of your favorite character. Even if you fell in love with an anime hero at the age of 30, you will probably find like-minded people your age. Communication with people like you will do you good, you will find new friends, and your crush will not seem so strange to you. Or maybe it’s among the fans of your favorite work that yours will be found true love?
Question to a psychologist
It doesn't matter who the character is. Just knowing that I will never meet him makes me nervous and I can't sleep well. It's like true love. This is not the first time this has happened to me. It seems to me that this is some kind of shift. I'm 16. But I think that age doesn't play a special role.
My first “love” lasted almost a year. And it happened again. Of course it's nice to love someone, but not the same. I had a real girlfriend. I loved her no less.
I don't understand what to do
Answers from psychologists
Hello Arthur, your love for characters - pleasant, but still fictional - speaks of your rich imagination, ability to fantasize; rather, you are a more subtle, creative person by nature. Perhaps your heroines meet your criteria - beautiful, kind, understanding and, of course, in your imagination, they reciprocate your feelings. You like this and you feel confident. In real life there are certain fears and there is a lack of confidence in oneself and one’s capabilities. The fact that you had a girlfriend in reality and the fact that you felt the same for her strong feelings already wonderful. You should pay more attention to girls from real life, because here you can build serious and long-term relationships with all its advantages. Cartoon characters are from the realm of fiction, and even despite their beautiful appearance and ability to move on the screen and speak at the same time, they still remain the creation of the same people - someone draws or animates them, someone speaks for them in their own voice, and someone then creates a montage, someone writes the plot of this film. Behind each character there is a lot of hard work of people. I suggest you consider your love for these cartoons as your future profession - maybe you’ll go to study drawing, maybe in the future you’ll be able to enroll in the faculty of creating animated films. Think about it and you can for a long time allow yourself to do what is pleasant for you and has a positive effect. The main thing is to save golden mean and clearly understand for yourself where fantasy and invention end, and where it already begins real life yours. Best wishes.
Bekezhanova Botagoz Iskrakyzy, psychologist Almaty
Good answer 12 Bad answer 1 
Hello Arthur.
Falling in love with a fictional character is a very common phenomenon. At your age, the process of personality formation occurs. And the characters you fall in love with have qualities that you would like to see either in yourself or in the people around you. Perhaps you are missing some emotions in your life, or, more often, you lack understanding. You can think for a long time, but only you know the answer to this question. Think about how you feel when you realize you're falling in love with a character. Why do you need this? At first glance, the question may be stupid, but it is not. You will understand why you need this, and this will help solve any difficulties associated with you. In general, there is nothing wrong with your falling in love, it just means that you are missing something in life, and your psyche gets what it needs where it can.
Sincerely, Shumakova Marina. Psychologist in Almaty.
Good answer 12 Bad answer 1Birzhanova Zhanat Amantaevna
It’s not for nothing that they say that love is a chemistry that arises completely suddenly and sometimes towards a completely unpredictable “object”. Let's say, to a character in a movie or book. And if falling in love with movie characters is easy to explain by at least liking their appearance, then with the heroes of your favorite novels, stories and short stories, everything is somewhat more complicated.
The magical power of imagination
Love itself is a mysterious feeling; infatuation with a fictitious image may seem even stranger. How, one might ask, can one become attached to a person whom we have never seen and who has never existed in reality?
The answer is simple: it’s all due to the writer’s talent and... our imagination, which readily completes the image of our beloved and even deprives us of sleep. Everything is the same as in real life, with the only difference that we will never be able to meet a literary hero, not to mention more. Often, trying to find our soulmate, we create a certain ideal in our heads, meeting which is sometimes an impossible task. Isn’t it easier to fall victim to something so attractive, even if it doesn’t exist?
“Morozka turned his head away with displeasure and played with his whip - he didn’t want to go. Tired of boring government trips, packages that no one needs, and most of all, Levinson’s alien eyes; deep and large, like lakes, they absorbed Morozka along with his boots and saw many things in him that, perhaps, even Morozka himself did not know.”- this is how Alexander Fadeev describes his main character, the commander of the partisan detachment Levinson, in the novel “Destruction”. And is it possible, you see, to resist tender affection for him, with such eyes?
Or, say, Sherlock Holmes from the famous detective series by Arthur Conan Doyle, who possessed not only data that was pleasing to the female gaze, but also remarkable mental abilities: “He was more than six feet tall, but with his extraordinary thinness he seemed even taller. His gaze was sharp, piercing, except for those periods of numbness mentioned above; his thin aquiline nose gave his face an expression of lively energy and determination. A square, slightly protruding chin also spoke of a decisive character.”.
However, modern psychologists and neuroscientists have found the answer to the question of why we become so attached to fictional characters when real people are waiting for us at every step.
When the brain decides for itself what you need
Scientists have long found out that almost all processes in our body (including romantic love) can be easily explained. Whether you like it or not, our brain perceives tender affection for that guy from the next door and reverent love for Vronsky from Anna Karenina in the same way. So, if it were his will, all the girls would have long ago married the Rhett Butlers, and the men would while away their evenings with Bulgakov’s Margaritas.
The point is that latest research brain activity showed that our consciousness does not distinguish between reading about some sensory experience and experiencing this experience in reality - in both cases the same areas of the brain are stimulated. This means that when faced with a description of a character in the text, it is as if we are meeting him for real and... quite likely, falling in love. Especially if this someone fully meets our needs.
When reading a book, we empathize with the characters the same way we empathize with friends or random passers-by on the street. In science, the ability to recognize and feel the emotions of another person is called empathy, and it is the ability to do it (no matter how strange it may sound) that explains our falling in love with literary characters.
It is often easier to begin to feel sympathy for a fictional character than for a real person of flesh and blood. Why? Everything is very simple: we have the opportunity to thoroughly study the hero of the book - his habits, fate; that is, we get to know a fictional character more closely than sometimes one of our relatives.
Away from reality
Do you fall in love with heroes of stories and novels and consider yourself a romantic person? Alas, psychologists are ready to argue with you. The point is not in the sublimity of feelings, but in an attempt to hide from the unsightly reality, researchers say. Well, except for the case if you are fifteen years old and a permanent state of love is a vital necessity for you. Let us remember Pushkin's Tatyana Larina, who fell in love because “the time has come,” and if any other attractive young man had been in Onegin’s place, he would have suffered the same fate.
Against the backdrop of routine, the events described by the authors in their novels seem like a real extravaganza, and the characters seem like the embodiment of their wildest dreams. Of course, the colleague at the next table, rustling packages of cookies all day, cannot compete with Fitzgerald's Gatsby, who, for the sake of his beloved girl, organized the most grandiose party of the century in the hope that she (maybe) will drop by. Not to mention the fact that Gatsby, not existing in reality, completely makes it impossible to become disappointed and depressed, simply because he is not there, which means there are no problems that accompany any relationship.
One way or another, sooner or later you will have to return from the world of fantasy to reality. You can cherish your love for fictional people in your heart, but you shouldn’t limit yourself only to the world of literature. Surely, if you take a closer look, you will find someone in your environment who will not only be on par with Mr. Darcy, Sherlock Holmes, Margarita or Irene Adler, but will also surpass them many times over.
